Roles: What's yours?

Do you play a specific role in your family? Are you the younger brother that riles everyone up? Are you the oldest child that enforces order? Are you the sister that patiently listens to every side of the story? Are you the dad that keeps the mood light and enjoyable?

Do our roles change?

Do we change within our roles?

Are these roles healthy? And do they contribute to making a familia entera?

What is your role? 

Have you ever felt trapped in a role?

One of the wonderful aspects of humanity is our capacity for change. We do not have to be the same person today that we were yesterday. We can be better. This is where I think roles can be a dangerous thing. While our strengths and weaknesses often allow us to fall into certain roles, we should never feel limited in who we are. The "black sheep" of the family is more than a trouble maker. The "angel child" is allowed be human. The mom is more than a chef and maid. The dad is more than a financial provider. This may seem obvious, but how often do we cling to certain roles because we feel like that is who we are? I'm not saying we can't play roles in our family, but they should be flexible and liberating, not constricting or degrading.

While the website itself is fairly basic and semi-nonprofessional, joyfulfamilies.org defines what I believe family roles should be based on-- creating unity. When each member of a family is working towards unity, the family develops an energy that stays with children even after they leave home. Each member of the family has an "aura" and brings a certain energy into the "family-being" (a collective energy or field of consciousness). While the words have a Buddhist feel that's often discounted as "hippie love" or "granola lifestyle"-- whatever you want to call it-- the idea behind the words is powerful. Think of the general feeling of your family? Is it comfortable? Safe? Chaotic? Dramatic? Indifferent? . . . What makes it that way? The relationship of the parents is especially emphasized in the joyfulfamilies website because they are more aware and in control of the aura they bring to a family. This aura is created based on the intentions we have and the things we pay attention to.

Intention and Attention. It's key.

It's essential that we become acutely aware of the things that we're teaching our children. What morals do you want your children to learn? The things you pay the most attention to are the things your children will identify as your priorities. What are those things?

Our role as a family member-- sister, brother, mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa-- is to become aware of what kind of energy we're bring into our family and how it influences our family-being. Become aware of that energy and then work to shape it positively. Doing this could mean a variety of things. 

I participate in a weekly "Luminary Discussion Group" (click here to learn more) that discusses what wholeness is and how we can be more whole. This week we discussed wholeness in the family. I wanted to share a few different ideas (based off of mistakes we found we were making) for creating a positive family-being:

• Let go of the need to fix things: Be a leader, a source of guidance, and a pillar of support. Allow people to make their own decisions and learn from the consequences. 
• Realize that we're all human: It's especially important to accept that YOU are human. You make mistakes. Take those imperfections and work with them. 
• Ask for help: Be willing to be honest with yourself and others when you're struggling. Often times, people willingly offer relief, guidance, and support. 

These are aspects of roles that we all have. What other things can we do to fill healthy family roles and create a healthy, whole environment for our families to grow and learn?