Family Vacations Spell S.T.R.E.S.S.

Family vacations are suppose to be a source of bonding time-- a time where the family is able to come together and enjoy one another's company. How often has this happened? For me... not very often. This might explain a lack of family vacations in my family. Not only are they expensive and time consuming, they're often the source of an incredible amount of contention when things don't go according to plan or when not everyone wants to follow "the plan". It doesn't have to be this way! Even with stress preventing our full enjoyment,

For some reason, we find our crazy family vacation time invaluable. How can we ditch the stress of family vacation and FULLY enjoy ourselves then? As silly as it sounds, the answer is spelt R.E.L.A.X. Yeah, that's right... relax. I, of all people, have very little to preach about relaxation. I struggle with "going with the flow" as much as the next person stuck in my perfectionistic tendencies. I like plans. I like knowing what's going to happen next. Or I thought I did. I've been trying out a new lifestyle, if you will, for the last... mmmm... year? I haven't given up all my perfectionist tendencies. I'm still a straight A student (it's amazing what scholarship money can do to manipulate a person). I smooth out all the wrinkles in my bed after I make it. I love being on time (as in early) to everything. However, I've started letting go of the tendencies that hold me back from really enjoying life. I think it's these tendencies that keep many from enjoying their family vacations. We get so wrapped up in our perfect, ideal expectations that we forget to recognize the value in what we have in the moment. I have a solution. 

DITCH THE PLAN. 

Homeaway provides a wonderful 5 step plan for making your vacation wonderful, magical, excellent. 

1. Research your destinations as a family

2. Plan for down time

3. Set a realistic budget

4. Build in flexibility

5. Reclaim your schedule

This is a lot of planning for my earlier statement, so let me rephrase it once again: 

Make the plan and then ditch your attachment to the plan. 

While homeaway implies this in each of their steps, I would add to their steps that you need to involve the whole family in this planning. Ask your son to work out the finances. Put your daughter in charge of navigation. Dad might be over sleeping accommodations. Mom would take care of pre-traveling preparations. etc. Help as necessary, but no more than necessary. Why? Because not only does this provide a valuable learning experience for everyone, it allows everyone to be accountable for and invested in the vacation. It lets everyone have a say. 

"BUT things could and probably will go TERRIBLY WRONG!!!!"

That is correct. 

Let it go. 

It's okay, really.

Realize that your time together is more important than the things you get done. I mean... still exercise caution for heaven's sake (if your sister's getting married in under ten minutes, you might want to lovingly take control of the map). But if you end up in the middle of a Wyoming cow pasture rather than a Colorado ski hill on your next family vaca, stop. Look at the map. Let out a sigh to release any pent up negative emotions. and then laugh. A good, hearty laugh. Slap each other on the back. Break out the last bag of Doritos. Take a picture. Redirect. Wave goodbye to the cows. [these are not optional steps....]. And continue with life. 

Do not make family vacations a family crisis. Family vacations are what you make them. Make 'em good, yeah?

YOLO!!

You only live once, so go out and live it up! Right?

People tend to take this philosophy and use it to justify any and all impulsive, sensual behavior. However, because of the truths I've learned as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I believe that we only live forever once (so.... YOLFO, I guess).

Why is this an important distinction?

Does this imply that we have an unlimited amount of time to "get it right"?
If so, what incentive is there for working so hard to avoid mistakes that often appear to be so pleasurable?

I specifically have sexual purity on my mind today. Why do I want to save physical intimacy for marriage?

Thesis: Because God's work and glory is to bring to pass the "immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39) through the family unit, the true joy that can be experienced through physical intimacy can only be experienced when we exercise this gift in harmony with God's purpose. 

It is essential to understand our purpose if we are to understand the purpose of physical intimacy.

Our ability to create life is truly a gift and great responsibility given to us from God. To have a body capable of procreation is a miraculous ability that comes after and increases intimacy between two people. Intimacy and sex are not the same thing. Charles, a single, 28 year-old man, is used to exemplify this in Lauer's "Marriage and Family". Charles was living up his single, promiscuous lifestyle when he realized this and tried to change:

"I'm in a kind of limbo right now. I have dated some women, and I am starting to develop a relationship with one that I think may lead to what I need. In any case, I know that I can't let sex be a deterrent to intimacy anymore. I know what I need. And I know that I can't get it in a one-night stand."

Physical intimacy is the ultimate "physical touch" (see RAM post). It is the ultimate physical commitment to someone. Then why should it proceed the promise to be with someone for life and for eternity? Commitment and self-control are lacking in pre-marital sex. God cannot bless us with divine joy under such conditions. We deny ourselves of joy, contentment, peace, and satisfaction when we refuse to deny ourselves of this "pleasure" prematurely.

This, I believe, is the difference between physical intimacy outside of marriage and within marriage: pleasure vs. joy

President Spencer W. Kimball, the 12th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, further explained the organization and purpose of marriage saying, “The Lord organized the whole program in the beginning with a father who procreates, provides, and loves and directs, and a mother who conceives and bears and nurtures and feeds and trains. The Lord could have organized it otherwise but chose to have a unit with responsibility and purposeful associations.”

Men and Women were designed to work together from the beginning. Our work is based on the Lord's plan for the family-- His plan for our happiness and salvation. In uniting ourselves with that perfect plan, we come to understand the sanctity of our procreative powers as well as the joy that those powers bring when they are used appropriately.

You're Different. Thank Goodness!

Couples on their way to divorce have 10 areas of significant incompatibility.
Couples who are very happy have 10 areas of significant incompatibility.

                       WHAT!!

Yeah, they're the same statistics. So what's the difference?

Even after you find your perfect significant other (similar interests, ideas, values, religious beliefs, etc.), the chances of your seeing eye to eye all the time are slim to none. Personally, I think it would be terribly boring if this were the case. What would we learn! Very little. Good thing we're all different. How, then, do we make these "incompatibilities" or differences work for us? How do we see the learning experience in the challenge?

• Communication
• Acceptance
• Accommodation

These three things are the difference between those couples who divorce because of their differences and those who enjoy deep, lasting happiness. This is how we learn from one another. 

• TALK TO EACH OTHER!! Actions might speak louder than words, but it's those vocal undertones that clarify the action. In a loving way, talk about your concerns and things that bother you.

• Accept your differences as just that-- differences. The wonderful thing about people? We're always changing. 

• Make compromised changes based on love. Recognize the needs and wants of the other person and make accommodations accordingly. 

The marriage counsel site, "Marriage Gems" discusses the subject saying,

"Couples may believe that conflict causes divorce, but actually the opposite is true.Smart Marriages, the educational organization run by CMFCE, reports that “the number-one predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict.” Early in a marriage, couples may feel that to stay in love they need to agree, be quiet, not fight. In a more mature marriage, couples may avoid conflict because it quickly gets out of hand, either leading to blow-ups or at least one partner shutting down. “Successful couples are those who know how to discuss their differences in ways that actually strengthen their relationship and improve intimacy,” says Sollee."

After you've recognized, discussed, accepted, and made accommodations. Don't focus on your differences! Focusing on the difficult, negative, or differences will naturally tear your relationship apart. Focus on what you have in common, the things that brought you together in the first place. An awareness (rather than a focus or fear) of differences helps to remove them as obstacles while you're enjoying all the things you love about each other.

                    La vie d'amour!