You're Different. Thank Goodness!

Couples on their way to divorce have 10 areas of significant incompatibility.
Couples who are very happy have 10 areas of significant incompatibility.

                       WHAT!!

Yeah, they're the same statistics. So what's the difference?

Even after you find your perfect significant other (similar interests, ideas, values, religious beliefs, etc.), the chances of your seeing eye to eye all the time are slim to none. Personally, I think it would be terribly boring if this were the case. What would we learn! Very little. Good thing we're all different. How, then, do we make these "incompatibilities" or differences work for us? How do we see the learning experience in the challenge?

• Communication
• Acceptance
• Accommodation

These three things are the difference between those couples who divorce because of their differences and those who enjoy deep, lasting happiness. This is how we learn from one another. 

• TALK TO EACH OTHER!! Actions might speak louder than words, but it's those vocal undertones that clarify the action. In a loving way, talk about your concerns and things that bother you.

• Accept your differences as just that-- differences. The wonderful thing about people? We're always changing. 

• Make compromised changes based on love. Recognize the needs and wants of the other person and make accommodations accordingly. 

The marriage counsel site, "Marriage Gems" discusses the subject saying,

"Couples may believe that conflict causes divorce, but actually the opposite is true.Smart Marriages, the educational organization run by CMFCE, reports that “the number-one predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict.” Early in a marriage, couples may feel that to stay in love they need to agree, be quiet, not fight. In a more mature marriage, couples may avoid conflict because it quickly gets out of hand, either leading to blow-ups or at least one partner shutting down. “Successful couples are those who know how to discuss their differences in ways that actually strengthen their relationship and improve intimacy,” says Sollee."

After you've recognized, discussed, accepted, and made accommodations. Don't focus on your differences! Focusing on the difficult, negative, or differences will naturally tear your relationship apart. Focus on what you have in common, the things that brought you together in the first place. An awareness (rather than a focus or fear) of differences helps to remove them as obstacles while you're enjoying all the things you love about each other.

                    La vie d'amour!